You are a part of me
by Opalsmith
Summary: A Vulcan reflects


**You are a part of me**

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><p><strong>Genre: Poetry – blank verse<strong>

**Rating: T **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination**

**Beta: Many thanks to my lovely and very patient husband for all of his helpful advice and support.  
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**Summary: A Vulcan reflects**

**Please Note: This is a reworking of a poem originally posted on another site in 2007  
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><p>When you first challenged me, we stood toe to toe,<br>So close, your angry breath brushed against my cheek.  
>Unrestrained emotion pitted against calm reason,<br>A subjective argument; you would not leave a friend behind.  
>For me, logic dictated the only course, so I stood apart;<br>I would not sacrifice our mission; not for a single life.  
>You berated my decision, saw only an alien: cruel and unfeeling,<br>Who had usurped the position of your rightful captain.  
>Yet, though I was determined to remain steadfast,<br>The strength of your irrational loyalty bent my will.  
>I learnt the value Humans place on personal attachments,<br>And I made an unexpected connection of my own.

Later when duty demanded that I leave my post,  
>And return to my world of regimented order;<br>To do what had been required of me from birth,  
>Why then did I decide to question my fate?<br>Did I feel a need to remain in chaos? _That_ is the Human state.  
>You were surprised, when I revealed my secret uncertainty.<br>But true to form, you offered your opinions freely,  
>An opposing point of view; personal freedom to choose,<br>And while I resolutely countered your alien arguments,  
>You gave me the power to face my denied feelings.<br>And I came to value your discretion and counsel,  
>That had revealed the different path I could take.<p>

Human curiosity carried us to an outpost of logic.  
>A sacred temple for contemplation, a depository of treasured relics;<br>And I was your passport to what was a secluded world.  
>Though we were not the first to intrude on this haven;<br>Suspicious foes had already stampeded through the fabric of reason,  
>Demanding there must be dark secrets, deep within a venerated heart.<br>Our uninvited presence only magnifying their blatant paranoia,  
>As in the eyes of stony faced guardians, <em>we<em> incited their violence.  
>But then, the duplicitous purpose alleged, lay stripped bare before us,<br>A revealed and rotten core at odds with the ideals I held to be true!  
>What was the retribution for this lie? A mocked shrine was destroyed.<br>And the judgement of my kin: I alone bore the burden of blame.

We provided aid to travellers, who had cast out restraint,  
>They wanted to explore their emotions, unfettered by logic.<br>One was drawn to me; he saw I had questions I wished to ask,  
>He sensed there was only a thin membrane, masking my true nature:<br>My shameful lack of control, a trait that was unwelcome in my world.  
>His promise of a life free from constraint, gave him the advantage;<br>So he fastened his hold on me, melding us into one, and I remembered:  
>My secret place, where a jagged exotic beat had danced in the night air;<br>To a time when intense sensation surrounded and pierced me,  
>And my mental armour shattered like shards of glass!<br>Then he stole and devoured my memories, blind to the agony he inflicted,  
>Until sated, he discarded my violated form.<p>

My attacker left a terrible brand on my battered mind;  
>A wasting disease, which promised only madness and death,<br>It was also the signpost to an intimate act abhorrent to my kind.  
>When my stigma was uncovered, then I stood condemned<br>To return home, an outcast! But my captain would not abandon me.  
>So when I was called to account for my actions, I did not stand alone;<br>An archer drew back his bow and dispatched an arrow for tolerance.  
>Silently rebuffed by my accusers, who demanded I be stripped of rank,<br>And kept in a secure and secluded place, until my unrecorded demise!  
>Only to be saved by the sacrifice of another, who took my place.<br>And though, with our physician's care, my condition did not worsen,  
>I was left with scars that will never heal.<p>

By my own hand, I could no longer call my world, home;  
>As in the eyes of my culture, I was damaged by association.<br>While you were wounded by the death of a dear sibling,  
>Shrouded in grief and consumed by one objective only;<br>Vengeance for a sister, among the millions lost.  
>Your home world was under threat of annihilation,<br>So we travelled toward danger, our enterprise to face an unknown foe.  
>Then I was tasked to bring you back to the land of the living.<br>A reluctant tutor, reaching out to an unwilling pupil,  
>Still we managed to find our own tranquil space and time;<br>In my intimate sanctuary, and as I treasured our fleeting moments,  
>I craved to know you more completely!<p>

I was an accidental witness to the poisoning of my own kind!  
>My body also choked on polluted particles, invading and altering my psyche;<br>When the very essence of life is contaminated, there can be no escape!  
>So I lurched toward the monstrous jaws of a wild base creature,<br>That spewed out relentless walking dead, to protect and patrol its lair.  
>Their once familiar faces contorted, and twisted out of shape;<br>I, too, fell into a terrible swirling madness, driven to kill or die trying.  
>And as my control slipped away, my comrades became the enemy;<br>But I was the fiend and my purpose; to thwart their plans to flee death.  
>The others were beyond help, in the end their destruction, an act of mercy.<br>But I was dragged free from the deadly grip of this potent drug,  
>And as my body was cleansed, I glimpsed a beautiful freedom.<p>

Searching for a hidden enemy in the vastness of space,  
>Time was running away from us, so we needed to quicken our drive.<br>You tried to find a way, but at too great a cost, as you lay fatally injured.  
>We could not live with your loss, so a desperate plan was hatched;<br>A simulation generated and allowed to grow fast and strong,  
>Till in record time he reached your age, allowing vital parts to be harvested.<br>Yet he was not just an empty vessel; he was _more_ than your double!  
>He started with shared memories; then made his own footprints,<br>And though his span was far too short, he lived with a bright intensity.  
>And through his raw honesty, your feelings for me were confirmed.<br>But I found I was drawn to him for who he was! And as he faced his fate,  
>I gifted him a sign of my attachment.<p>

I became a thief to feed a habit, blind to those diseased creatures,  
>Reduced to blasted debris, and scattered through churning space!<br>For I discovered the deadly source of their destruction was the key,  
>With small measures unlocking reason; to set free buried emotions.<br>My sole wish to break through the visible barrier that separated us.  
>But I was a novice experiencing all that logic said was forbidden,<br>And once released these new feelings became my _own_ powerful opiates.  
>Then when I watched helplessly as another tried to claim you,<br>I knew the ancients' naked anger; as jealousy ate away at my intellect!  
>I was shut out by the ease with which you danced with each other;<br>An exchange of a look or touch, a language full of unspoken meaning,  
>My mind screamed that I wanted you to see me in that way!<p>

At the agreed time you came willingly to me,  
>Expecting the relief my ministrations brought to your mind.<br>At first I was able to maintain a calm façade while close to you,  
>While primeval feelings were unleashed within: a battle I could only lose.<br>So I parried words with you, until a telling blow struck home.  
>Your sweet admission of attraction, easily shattering my defences!<br>This was a wild and dangerous experiment, a rebellion against order;  
>I was using a language unknown and revolutionary for me,<br>As I made the first contact, and silenced you with my desperate hunger.  
>You then took control and led me on an exquisite journey;<br>Our bodies fusing into one, charged with vital passion!  
>So how could I then deny my connection to you?<p>

On my watch, I failed my charges; as too absorbed by inner conflict,  
>I allowed us to be cornered and outgunned: we were easy prey,<br>And our merciless enemy struck with deadly venom;  
>A terrible fire! Blasting through our protective metallic shield,<br>Disgorging precious life, into the darkness of the frozen void,  
>While, within, I remained trapped in my addiction,<br>Paralyzed by my desperate fear of a descent into insanity!  
>But when driven to risk my life for one more tainted sip of toxin,<br>I recognised my folly and stepped back from the abyss.  
>Reaching out to the healer, who read my motives <em>far<em> too clearly:  
>I was saved, but like our battered vessel my mind was marked.<br>It was my turn to shut out life and look inwards.

In victory we were feted, our faces known to millions;  
>We were united in a shared experience, to the public, novel friends.<br>Not wanting to leave you behind, we travelled to my world together.  
>The stark heat of my desert home, contrasting with our cool reception,<br>My people wished to reclaim me; my mother, a hostage by design;  
>The old guard concerned I would be a figurehead for dissent!<br>So I was called to answer an obligation I considered closed;  
>To join with the one chosen for me, and fulfil my inherent duty,<br>And retire for a time, to live the private life of wife, and mother.  
>To conform to rigid tradition without question,<br>While you became a silent bystander, as the drama was played out.  
>And I became a wife in name only.<p>

Our daughter came to us, fully formed, but created in hatred.  
>Her purpose to display, how wrong a union between us would be!<br>This ribbon of life proclaimed warped and monstrously misshaped,  
>By monsters deformed by their <em>own<em> view of purity!  
><em>All <em>we saw reflected in her face; was a promise of what we could be,  
>And for such a little time, as precious innocence fought to stay with us;<br>We three were a family, cocooned by the protection of caring friends.  
>As we watched her life ebb away, her memory was etched into our minds<br>A brief moment of hope stolen from us by a cruel mistake!  
>And in death she had a different legacy, from that which had been planned.<br>Her existence uniting, not dividing opposites, and by joining with us to mourn,  
>A consensus of purpose was brought forth.<p>

However my journey continues, the course is forever altered,  
>I am no longer just a follower; I am now a true explorer;<br>As we forge a path for future generations to follow.  
>Once we were so far apart, but now an enduring bond exists between us;<br>Our lives are irreversibly entwined.  
>I stand with you facing our two worlds, watching as they find common ground.<br>The lessons we learned from each other, rippling out across the cosmos.  
>As difference moves toward acceptance, I see therein a glimmer of hope,<br>That some day a world will exist were we can live,  
>Two different beings joined by feelings I no longer wish to deny.<br>And I need no longer fear being apart from you ever again,  
>As for the rest of my life, you are a part of me.<p> 


End file.
